Finally In My Space
with some help from Geoff.
Moving day was pretty straightforward. I went to the studio to sign the lease then returned home with an enormous bunch of keys - well it is an ex bank. My friend Geoff, a man with a van, helped to move everything, which included my completed paintings, in two runs. The local traffic warden was hoping to catch us out in the loading area at the back of the building but he didn't.
Everything was put into my space, but organising was left until the next day apart from the essentials, such as assembling my easel and putting the tables in.
“My plan to overcome this problem is to visit regularly before or after work and just gradually increase the time I can stay.”
I returned the next day to put the place together how I wished it to be. I knew being in that building on my own would be problematical, but that's part of the challenge for me, breaking down the false barriers PTSD puts in front of me. The room has no windows, so as the sky is my best grounding tool I have to adapt. Fortunately I took the ground floor room which faces the main front door and if I keep my door open I can see into the shopping centre and see people walking by. This is helpful but I'm struggling, as I can only do about 20 minutes before I have to leave the bank, ground myself and then go back and start again. This is because I was held captive in a small space with no windows a long time ago, so now whenever my brain recognises that it assumes I'm about to be harmed. I have to re-educate it, but it is taking a long time.
My plan to overcome this problem is to visit regularly before or after work and just gradually increase the time I can stay.
It felt rather strange putting a fresh canvas on the easel for the first time in my lovely new challenging space, so I took the opportunity to make basic starts on three, so if one speak and another doesn't I will be able to make good use of my 20 - 30 minute timescale.